Phileo
Brotherly love - (Gives and Takes) The reciprocal love between friends who care
Phileo’ is a love which consists of the glow of the heart kindled by the perception of that in the object which affords us pleasure. It is the response of the human [soul] to what appeals to it as pleasurable… The word was used to speak of a friendly affection. It is a love called out of one in response to a feeling of pleasure or delight which one experiences from an apprehension of qualities in another that furnish such pleasure or delight. ’Agapao’ on the other hand, speaks of a love which is awakened by a sense of value in the object loved, an apprehension of its preciousness. (This comes from Wuest’s Word Studies in the Greek New Testament Vol.3, #28, pg.62)
Phileo means to have an affection (sentiment, passion or feeling) for. A fondness based in the heart. What the Greeks meant by Phileo love is what we normally think of the words "brotherly love" . The love in friendship—is very much at variance with Eros.
Novelist and essayist, C.S. Lewis, puts it this way. “Eros will have naked bodies, friendship naked personalities.” In friendship, we get to know the true qualities of a human being: their strengths and weaknesses, moods and attitudes, likes and dislikes, and so on.
The Bible teaching about Christian love includes “phileo.” This category includes emotional warmth and tender affection toward a friend or family member. It involves closeness, bonding, and mutual sharing in a relationship. It is companionship, or brotherly love. In a marriage relationship, the dominant fire of eros gradually gives ground to the mature phileo of affection. Phileo becomes the cement that bonds and holds families together over the long haul. There is an actual shift in the balance of bodily hormones during this transition. In popular usage, we call this shift the end of the honeymoon period.
The chemicals of eros dominate the emotional areas of our brain, and overrule the critical thinking areas. After those chemicals subside, the thinking regions make a come back, and we may wonder what we ever saw in the other person!
Jesus displayed this Christian love toward Lazarus, as observed, “Lord, behold, he whom You love (phileo) is sick” (John 11:3). In addition, John also wrote of this relationship, “Now Jesus loved (agape) Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus” John 11:5).
John also reveals that God displays friendship love (phileo) toward us, and believers toward Jesus (John 16:27).
The chemicals of eros dominate the emotional areas of our brain, and overrule the critical thinking areas. After those chemicals subside, the thinking regions make a come back, and we may wonder what we ever saw in the other person!
Jesus displayed this Christian love toward Lazarus, as observed, “Lord, behold, he whom You love (phileo) is sick” (John 11:3). In addition, John also wrote of this relationship, “Now Jesus loved (agape) Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus” John 11:5).
John also reveals that God displays friendship love (phileo) toward us, and believers toward Jesus (John 16:27).
So, what practical application can we draw from the Bible teaching about Christian love?
It’s a word used to describe friendship that’s developed between two or more people - the bond can be very strong and it’s easily mistaken for agape love. It’s used with God as the subject and man as the object in Rev 3:19 but it’s directed at those who are already ‘in Christ’. Also in John 16:27 it’s said of God that He loves the disciples and John 20:2 speak s of the disciple that Jesus ‘loved’ (in John 19:26, however, it’s agapao that’s used).
In each of these three occurrences, it refers to believers and it’s not used to denote God’s love in sending His Son into the world for fallen mankind, the ‘unsaved’.
It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.
It’s a word used to describe friendship that’s developed between two or more people - the bond can be very strong and it’s easily mistaken for agape love. It’s used with God as the subject and man as the object in Rev 3:19 but it’s directed at those who are already ‘in Christ’. Also in John 16:27 it’s said of God that He loves the disciples and John 20:2 speak s of the disciple that Jesus ‘loved’ (in John 19:26, however, it’s agapao that’s used).
In each of these three occurrences, it refers to believers and it’s not used to denote God’s love in sending His Son into the world for fallen mankind, the ‘unsaved’.
It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.
Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship between family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.
In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.
You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).
In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.
You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).
This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by "eros love", meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much. With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.
Phileo love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Therefore, phileo is a higher type of love than eros. Phileo love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit. Like eros love, phileo love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.
Phileo love is the kind of love that makes agape love enjoyable. Phileo love is having tender affection toward your mate. Most friendships are built on phileo love. Phileo love is that "something" that you see in another person that draws you to be their friend. It's one thing to unconditionally love (agape) someone who you don't like to be around because they irritate you. It's quite another thing to unconditionally love someone who is tenderly affectionate (phileo) toward you.
Phileo love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Therefore, phileo is a higher type of love than eros. Phileo love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit. Like eros love, phileo love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.
Phileo love is the kind of love that makes agape love enjoyable. Phileo love is having tender affection toward your mate. Most friendships are built on phileo love. Phileo love is that "something" that you see in another person that draws you to be their friend. It's one thing to unconditionally love (agape) someone who you don't like to be around because they irritate you. It's quite another thing to unconditionally love someone who is tenderly affectionate (phileo) toward you.
THE TENDER AFFECTION OF PHILEO LOVE MAKES THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF AGAPE ENJOYABLE.
It's the joy of the friendship!
It has been said that phileo love is a human love. If that were the case, then why does God the Father, who is NOT a human, but a Spirit, phileo love Jesus His Son and us? Jesus said, "For the FATHER HIMSELF LOVES (phileo) YOU, because you have loved (phileo) Me…" (John 16:27).
It has been said that phileo love is a human love. If that were the case, then why does God the Father, who is NOT a human, but a Spirit, phileo love Jesus His Son and us? Jesus said, "For the FATHER HIMSELF LOVES (phileo) YOU, because you have loved (phileo) Me…" (John 16:27).
