Eros – What does the Bible say?
Two characteristics:  Love - Of the worthy, attractive, beautiful; Desire - To possess the object of one’s love 


 Eros is the physical, sensual love between a husband and wife.

Although this Greek term does not appear in the Bible, eros, or erotic love, is portrayed in the Old Testament book, The Song of Solomon. God is very clear in his Word.

The Apostle Paul noted that it is wise for people to marry to fulfil their godly desire for this type of love:

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9, NIV)

Eros, is found in secular Greek literature but is never used in the Bible itself.

Lusts are unlawful desires. Lust is wanting that which you have no right to. Jesus explained in Matthew 5:27-28, that lusting after a woman is the same as actually committing adultery with her. As far as God is concerned, there is no difference between wanting to violate his laws and actually doing so. You see - your heart directs your actions. Solomon said you behave in the same manner as you think in your heart (Proverbs 23:7). It is the thoughts of the heart that defile us because they lead to sinful action (Mark 7:18-23). The direction of our lives depends on where we look (Matthew 6:22-23). You may be looking to get as close to sin as you possibly can get without committing the sin. However, it is like trying to walk on a fence between two yards. You probably can walk on it for a little way, but you will eventually slip and commit the sin.

In Galatians 5:19-21, Paul gives a list of the works of the flesh that will keep us out of heaven. Among these works is the word lasciviousness or licentiousness, depending on the translation of your Bible. Lasciviousness means being wanton, lewd, or lustful. William Barclay described it as "a love of sin so reckless and so audacious that a man has ceased to care what God or man thinks of his actions." Lusts are wrong because you stop trying to please God.

As Christians, we must remove lustful feelings from our lives. Paul warned Timothy in II Timothy 2:22, to flee youthful lusts. Youth is a time when lusts strike the strongest and you have the least experience dealing with them. The hormones flowing through your body cause your emotions to fluctuate between extremes. You have new functions that you are just beginning to learn how to deal with. There are new desires that you are now aware of, but you are still learning how to deal with them. These add up to potential danger for the unwary Christian.

Instead of giving in to these desires, we must learn how to keep a tight reign on them. Peter tells us to abstain from fleshly lusts (I Peter 2:11). The main source of your desires for sex is from your own body. However, Satan will use a variety of tactics to try to get you to sin. John tells us, in I John 2:15-16, that Satan's devices come in three categories: lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Advertising agencies are aware of these devices. They use these devices to "tempt" you into buying their products. Satan also uses these devices to tempt you into violating God's law.

 Lusts of the flesh are those things that start out as normal desires of your body and then get out of hand. Everyone has the desire to eat, to drink, and to have sex. Satan tries to place you in situations where those desires pull you to violating God's law. For example, when Satan tempted Christ to prove he was the son of God, he asked Jesus to turn stones into bread (Matthew 4:1-4). At that time, Jesus was hungry. He had not eaten for 40 days. Proving who he was and getting food must have been very tempting, but Jesus did not give in.

Sex outside of marriage is forbidden.

10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage   Reason #1 - God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage In the seventh of God's Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.

Deuteronomy 28:1-3 
If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ... (NIV)

God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what's best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.

Reason #2 - We Won't Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night There's something very special about a couple's first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don't wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.

1 Corinthians 6:16 
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." (The Message)

Reason #3 - We Will Be Spiritually Healthier If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.

Romans 8:8,13 
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live ... (NIV)

Reason #4 - We Will Be Physically Healthier This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.

1 Corinthians 6:18 
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)

Reason #5 - We Will Be Emotionally Healthier One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn't mean we're free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.

Hebrews 13:4 
Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

Reason #6 - We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner's Well-Being If we put our partner's needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we'll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what's best for them.

Ephesians 5:2 
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT)

Philippians 2:3 
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)

Reason #7 - Waiting is a Test of True Love Love is patient. That's about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner's love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking ... (NIV)

Reason #8 - We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.

Reason #9 - We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact We don't set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Tim 4:12 to "be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." (NIV)

In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to "salt" and "light" when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our "saltiness." In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.

Reason #10 - We Won't Settle For Less Than God's Perfect Will When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God's perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don't know what we might end up with. Perhaps we'll end up in a miserable marriage.

So, here's some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.

God created humans male and female and instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden. Within marriage, sex is used for emotional and spiritual bonding and for reproduction.

God designed marriage to keep people from sexual sins(1 Cor 7:1-5) 1Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The marital bed is holy. The Hebrew writer tells us that "Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4)  Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. This marital union is so sacred that God has only allowed one reason for a person to divorce their spouse and marry another, i.e., sexual immorality. Jesus plainly said, "whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matt. 19:9)  "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

"Adultery" is usually used in the Bible to describe all illicit sexual relations between one or more married individuals. An adulterer is one "who has unlawful intercourse with the spouse of another" (Vine's Expository Dictionary Of Biblical Words, p. 14).

The Greek word for "adulterer" (moichos) is found in such passages as Luke 18:11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that Iam not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this taxcollector  and 1 Cor. 6:9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites.

People often ask, "Why is adultery so bad? What harm does it cause?" While modern society sometimes winks at adultery, God will hold adulterers accountable Rev 21:8. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.

Adulterers are covenant breakers. When a young couple gets married they enter into a covenant

Mal 2:14 Yet you say, “For what reason?”
Because the Lord has been witness
Between you and the wife of your youth,
With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant.

The seductress is one who "forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God"
Prov 2:17 Who forsakes the companion of her youth,
And forgets the covenant of her God.

Wedding vows are a covenant between the man, the woman and God. The man and woman vow their faithfulness to each other and promise to "forsake all others" as long as they both shall live. Adulterers break this promise and are therefore liars. They have lied to their spouse and to their God. They lied to their friends who stood up with them at their wedding and served as legal witnesses. They usually end up lying to their children as well.

What makes adultery different from other sins? In 1 Cor 6:18 Paul wrote, "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." "Every sin that man doeth, is without the body: the apostle means all sin except fornication. It might be objected that sins like suicide, drunkenness and so on are surely not without the body. Yet it is fornication alone which has no other purpose but the satisfaction of the lusts of the body. An unchaste person does not care what becomes of the harlot. In a case of suicide the pleasure of the body is not sought. As to intemperance, it arises mostly in sociable company. In the case of insobriety it is not the act of eating and drinking but the excess of eating and drinking which is sinful. In the case of fornication, however, the action in itself, the carnal communion, is sinful. Food comes from without to the body, the sexual appetite arises in the body and has it as its only domain. Thus Paul is able to write that fornication is a sin against the body. The words: without the body must mean therefore: having their purpose without the body. A fornicator aims solely at the satisfaction of his own body and he disregards the essential purpose of the human body." (Grosheide, Commentary On The First Epistle To The Corinthians, p. 151).

"Fornication" is a rather broad term used to describe any illicit sexual conduct, including pre-marital sex or even homosexuality. The word translated as "sexual immorality" in the New King James Version of Matt 5:32 and 19:9 is the Greek word porneia. Without exception, the King James Translation uses the word "fornication" every time the Greek word porneia is found. Other versions of the Bible translate this word in a variety of ways. Moffatt and the Revised Standard Version translate porneia as "unchastity" in both passages. The New International Version translatesporneia in both passages as "marital unfaithfulness." Goodspeed and Weymouth translate porneia as "unfaithfulness" in both texts.

Since sexual immorality is the only Scriptural reason for one to put away his spouse and marry another, we need to be extremely careful in defining the word. A general definition of "fornication" is: "Sexual relationships outside the bonds of marriage. The technical distinction between fornication and adultery is that adultery involves married persons while fornication involves those who are unmarried. But the New Testament often uses the term in a general sense for any unchastity. Of the seven lists of sins found in the writings of the apostle Paul, the word fornication is found in five of them and is first on the list each time 1 Cor. 5:11Col. 3:5.

The five senses; taste, touch, smell, hearing, and seeing, all report to the carnal mind. These senses are what Satan uses to tempt us! The lust of the flesh includes tasting, touching, smelling, and hearing. The lust of the eyes is seeing. The enemy uses these three things, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, to entice us to sin. Scripture shows this process at work in both the Garden of Eden and on the Mount of Temptation.

In the Garden of Eden: «The woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat.» Genesis 3:6 The woman, Eve, saw that «the tree was good for food» – the lust of the flesh, «it was pleasant to the eyes» – the lust of the eyes, and «a tree to be desired to make one wise» – the pride of life. Of course you know the rest of the story! Eve was deceived, Adam disobeyed, sin came into the world, and death passed upon all men by sin, for that ALL have sinned…

On the Mount of Temptation: When the tempter came to Jesus, he said, «If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.» Matthew 4:3 – the lust of the flesh. «The devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, ‹All these things will I give thee.›» Matthew 4:8-9 – the lust of the eyes.«Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, And saith unto him, ‹If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.›» Matthew 4:5-6 – the pride of life. Through the power of the Spirit, with the Sword of the Spirit, Christ successfully resisted the temptations of the Devil and now we can too!

Lusts of the eyes are those things that look good and cause you to want them when you should not. Everyone admires a beautiful car, but it is wrong to want to take the car for yourself or to be envious of the lucky owner of the car. Some women are very beautiful, but don't let Satan tempt you into wanting to have that woman for your own use or to be envious of the man who was lucky enough to marry her.

Pride of life is the desire to be admired by others. Thinking you are special because of who you are, what you have, what you know, or what you look like. When you want fame or fortune so badly that you would do just about anything to obtain it, Satan is given an easy target. Admiration is nice, but don't make it a goal in your life. Some men spend long hours in the gym building up their muscles so that women will be attracted to them. Many men will wear form-fitting clothes or clothes that expose large portions of their skin in hopes of gaining the admiration of women. While it is not wrong to look nice, you should not center your life around such objectives. Women, who are attracted by such things, are not the kind of woman young Christians should be hanging around with if they want to remain pleasing to God.

For to be carnally minded (minding the things of the flesh) is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind (minding the things of the flesh) is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God… Romans 8:6-8

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1 John 2:15-16 

I think the greatest battle we all face in our lives is the battle within, the battle between the flesh and the spirit…

This information is heavily based on a chapter from Dr. Ed Wheat’s “Love Life for Every Married Couple”. The book is very faith based and draws from many Biblical sources but also applies many useful theories and practices in sustaining a healthy marriage or recovering one.